Monday, November 15, 2010

Nerves

Seriously. So many nerves.

I have millions... billions of neurons in my body. All of them are shooting off cortisol like a cocaine Christmas. I don't feel ready for this event. I feel like an outsider barging in to participate. I'll look like a huge dick. An assuming asshole waltzing in to the competition with my hopes high and an ignorant smile on my face. I'll be waiting here for a seasoned veteran to wipe the smirk off my face by sneeringly snatching what I couldn't. By laughing while doing double unders perfectly.
But I know that won't happen. That never happens at CrossFit events. CrossFit competitions are fierce, sure, but there's always an air of camaraderie and unity. We're all here. We're all suffering. We're all going balls to the wall. The last time I competed the support was overwhelming. They knew I wouldn't finish the WOD, but they wanted me to do the best I could. They encouraged me to keep going, to try harder, to get under the bar, to dip and drive. That won't be different this time.

So why am I stressing out? Joe, Pilar, Jed, Ben, Laura, Geordan, and so many more people that I know will be there. I'll have people supporting me. Just like last time. Joe will be there telling me that I can't give up. That's not an option. Failure only occurs when one quits, not when one doesn't finish. Failure is a product of defeat and you are the only one who can defeat yourself.
Apparently I'm afraid of failure. I better work harder to kick some ass then.

Nerves are still there, but the doubts aren't. Phew.

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